Day 9

Kyle 278.8 day -1.0 total -15.8

Jenny 161.6 day -0.0 total -5.0

Poor Jenny. She basically stalled yesterday, and today she definitely stalled. To be truthful, we've been creeping off protocol a little, and when we have, it affects her much more than it does me. It's not like I haven't shared this, but it's good to "confess" again, and recommit ourselves to the protocol, even though it's not very fun. Well, losing weight is fun!

Speaking of confessions, I'll add to my debauchery from last night. After Jenny went to bed, I indulged in a small serving of my peanut butter & honey & ovaltine treat, and washed it down with a glass of 2% milk. It hardly seems fair that I still lost a pound, even if I'd only eaten that! But when you consider the extras I enjoyed at Longhorn, I feel guilty that I lost and Jenny didn't.

We did well today of sticking to the protocol. Lunch was our special omelettes. We each had a fruit for a snack in the afternoon. Dinner was chicken and steamed asparagus. During our double feature movie night (Frost Nixon and Knowing), I enjoyed a full Jay Robb's chocolate and peanut butter shake. Poor Jenny was hungry a few times today, but it was more cravings than physical hunger. I think she is where I was last weekend. She wanted a shake so bad, but we've decided that she's much more sensitive to going off protocol than I am. So I muffled my moans of culinary pleasure as I enjoyed my protein treat.

If I'm only down a pound, I think I'll drop the extra proteins and go strict on the protocol. No cottage cheese on the side. No shakes. No broccoli. Just straight up Dr. S's orders. If I'm over one pound, then I'm going to assume I have some wiggle room on this diet, and I'm going to enjoy it.

Tomorrow, we have a July 4th party with friends. We are very good at eating when we're together. This could prove to be very difficult. Or a splurge day. Jenny and I may have to huddle in a back room for prayer!

Day 8

Kyle 279.8 day -1.6 total -14.8

Jenny 161.6 day -0.2 total -5.0

I'm continuing to see regular losses of around 1.5 lbs., but Jenny came close to stalling this morning. Maybe it was the "shakes" we made last night. My hypothesis is that my body can handle the extra protein, but maybe Jenny's body can't. We will see.

Jenny admitted to me later in the day that she was craving the egg white omelettes she made us on Wednesday. So as an afternoon snack, she made a small one with only 3 egg whites, and the usual onions and tomatoes. She said she also had an orange sometime after the shake last night. She also push-mowed our front and back yards, and did not drink near as much water as she should have. With that, the omellette, the shake, and the broccoli, we have too many variables, and it's hard to pinpoint if any one thing hurt her, or if it was an accumulative effect.

Our goal was to be strict today, and not deviate from protocol at all, but our plan was derailed by my grandma's birthday dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse. It was nothing major, and to our credit, we planned well and planned ahead. Jenny prepared chicken breasts for us, along with some homemade protocol-friendly salad dressings. We each ordered a mixed green salad for dinner, and added the chicken and "dressing" for what was a tasty meal. If that had been all, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Here are my Longhorn digressions.

I had about 8 individual peanuts, straight from the shell.

I had about a quarter cup of shredded cheese that came on the side for our salads.

After several "bites" here and there, I ate one of my daughter's breaded chicken tenders.

My grandma offered me the last 2 oz. or so of her sirloin steak, and while Jenny had a small bite, I ate the rest.

I scooped my fork through my dad's butter and scour cream laden baked potato, so I could enjoy just a little taste.

Bites, nibbles, tastes. I'm smart enough to know that they add up in big ways, especially when you throw in the 2 oz. of sirloin. What stinks is, after all of that, I was both frustrated over not getting to eat what I wanted to eat, and guilty over what I did eat. It was a lose-lose, that I'm afraid will end up with me NOT losing!

Jenny did a good job and didn't cheat, so when we got home, she figured there was room for her to enjoy another shake. We split one again, and I enjoyed it again. Tomorrow will tell how much damage either of us did to our progress.

Day 7

Kyle 281.4 day -1.6 total -13.2

Jenny 161.8 day -0.8 total -4.8

Today went well, with no major issues. Jenny and I have been experimenting with a few things off protocol, which for many is a huge no-no. Technically, we're not too far off. We had egg white omelettes yesterday for lunch, and for dinner we had burgers with lettuce buns, onions, and a little mustard. My big experiments have been with fat-free cottage cheese. I've been using it as a snack, along with a piece of melba toast, and skipping a fruit or two. As long as I'm seeing the losses, I assume I'm okay. Now, I know that Dr. S chose certain foods for certain reasons, and that we do not have the freedom to switch in things just because they have the same calorie count. And I know it's only been a week. But I just need some variety. You'd think the falling scale numbers would be enough motivation to keep me on track!

Tonight we had steamed broccoli as our veggie, along with plain burgers and a little mustard. I cheated a bit and added a spoonful of cottage cheese. I have to say, I thought it was delicous! Broccoli is totally not on protocol, but it seems quite a few people eat it and are fine. We'll see.

Oh, and we had a "dessert." We split a single scoop chocolate Jay Robb shake with crushed ice and a spoonful of Smart Balance All Natural peanut butter. Honestly, I did not expect it to be anything special, but we both thought our little shakes were pretty stinkin' delicious. We basically added an extra small protein on the day, but I think we can handle it. Again, we'll see.

Mood, energy levels, etc., have been awesome!

Day 6

Kyle 283.0 day -1.4 total -11.6

Jenny 162.6 day -0.8 total -4.0

Amazing. That's how I felt today. Amazing, all day long. I am energized, excited, encouraged, engaged, and some other good things that start with "e." It really is just amazing how good I feel, especially today.

To put it in perspective, I think it's important to share that I take Adderall. Adderall is a prescription medication for ADD, and I think it's used mostly for adults. I started taking it over a year and a half ago. I asked my doctor about it after a few friends told me it was helping them focus, and lose weight. I was referred to a psychologist, who diagnosed me with "probable mild ADD symptoms," and suggested that Adderall could help me with focus and energy levels. If I do have ADD, it's most likely mild, or I have strong ADD-like issues. Either way, the Adderall has been a huge help. It gives me energy, helps me focus, and literally motivates me to accomplish things. I take a tab in the morning, and then one in the afternoon. They are quick release, so they only last for 4 or 5 hours, and they do have a peak in the middle. What stinks is when the first wears off. I am immediately tired, sluggish, and only motivated to nap! When the second one kicks in, I'm back at it. But that has never seems optimal to me.

My experience so far has been much more satisfactory. I have been taking only one Adderall each day, in the morning, to get me up and going. However, the positives from the Aderall seem to last all day, and well into the evening. But I know it's not the drug having a longer effect, for whatever reason. It wears off well before 11 am or noon, and then I am able to enjoy my body behaving in a healthy manner, and it's as if I am still on Adderall, without a hint of its peaks, over-stimulation, or tapering off.

It's great!

Day 5

Kyle 284.4 day -1.4 total -10.2

Jenny 163.4 day -0.6 total -3.2

According to our bathroom scale, the eggs did not stall me. Maybe I could have lost 2 pounds without them? I don't know. But I'll take 1.4 all day long!

I know that I'm only on day 5, but on every day of this protocol, I have been amazed by my enhanced moods, increased energy and improved attitudes. For the majority of the day, I am better. I am happy. I am excited. Which is part of what also amazes me, what seems to be two polar opposite positions in this experience. Now, I do not want to be misunderstood. The highs that constitute one position are not "highs" in the typical sense of the word. I would have to call them "evens." They are smooth, healthy, enjoyable, but not over the top or over-stimulating. My layman hypothesis is that this is the positive effect of not filling my body with additives, preservatives, trans fats, hydrogenated oils, and a myriad of man-made products that are not good for me.

And it is these "ingredients" that I suspect are the culprits for the other polar position in this experience. Like a junkie suffering through withdrawal or jonesing for his next fix, there are certain times, almost always in the evenings, when I become depressed, agitated and fixated on certain foods and food products. But the truth is that I am not depressed, agitated or fixated because I cannot have these foods, but because I am withdrawing from and jonesing for the experience of eating the food. My brain, or some chemical center in my brain, is telling me that I need these foods, I need the enjoyment of the taste, the experience, and ultimately, the effects of the chemicals in the product.

As I do my best to separate myself from the experience, even as I am in it, and to look at what I am going through from an objective or even scientific view, I find myself staring wide-eyed at simple and plain truth that should have been so easy to see before this. Yet even this success, this accomplishment and triumph of truth is tainted with the thoughts of, "I can't wait until this is over so I can eat this and have that and enjoy this and eat that," and so on.

Since I am experiencing NO physical feelings of hunger or fatigue, headaches or loss of strength, or anything of the sort, I must accept that this is a concrete and purely psychological challenge. Which means it all comes down to self-discipline and self-restraint. Do I have the maturity to postpone my own gratification in order to reach a goal that I supposedly so greatly desire (or at least desire more than the simple taste of something)? Do I have the maturity to recognize that what I desire for gratification is not healthy, not good for me, and probably shouldn't even be a source of gratification, now and in the future?

How much better could my life be if I looked for gratification and satisfaction in things of substance!

Day 4

Kyle 285.8 day -1.6 total -8.8

Jenny 164.0 day -0.6 total -2.6

If anyone is wondering why our totals are so different, you have to understand two things. First, men lose a higher amount of weight on average with this protocol than women do, and, I have a much higher percentage of fat to lose than Jenny does, so I'm going to see bigger drops.

This morning was great. As has been the case, I woke up with no hunger. Only a little disappointment over not being allowed a bowl of cereal or a big glass of milk.

Jenny and I did some grocery shopping at Kroger this evening. That was such a mixed bag of emotions. I was back and forth between happy and sad. I would get bummed when I saw some food that I wanted to eat, and a little upset that I couldn't even look forward to having it. That's crazy, how I am often emotionally sustained by the thought of enjoying food in the near future. I think I have more things I can look forward to and be excited about! I was happy that Jenny and I were shopping and working together, planning out meals and being as creative as we can within the boundaries of the protocol.

Instead of my second fruit for the day, tonight I had 8 hardboiled egg whites. Even after such a short time, the change was welcome and delicious. I gave the yolks to Brach, our yorkie. He was a happy dog! If I weigh in lighter tomorrow, then experiment number one will have been a success. But trust me, I do not want to mess anything up, so we won't be deviating that much. I figured with my size and activity that I could consume the extra protein and not have it hinder my weight loss at all.

Day 3

Kyle 287.4 day -2.6 total -7.2

Jenny 164.6 day -1.4 total -2.0

Today started as well as the first two. On a humorous note, Jenny and I both dreamed about food. After visiting Findlay Market yesterday morning to buy some fresh produce, Jenny dreamed she was given money to spend on pastries at the market, and she was mad because she wasn't allowed to buy any sweets! I dreamed that I was in our kitchen, and chowed down on some chips and a bunch of honey peanut butter. After I put the leftovers back in the cupboard, I suddenly remembered that I wasn't allowed to eat that stuff. I was freaking out! Then I woke up, and had to remember that I had not cheated, and I felt much better.

I played keyboard for worship this morning (and last night), and I felt great through both services. Our pastor went long, and instead of getting home by 12:30, we weren't home until almost 1:30. I wasn't starving in the sense that my stomach was empty and growling, but I really wanted to eat. We tried something different for lunch in that we didn't measure out our vegetable. We each had our 3.5 oz. of chicken breast, coupled with an entire head of cabbage. I couldn't finish it! I bet I left 15% of the cabbage on my plate, and Jenny only ate half of hers! We were stuffed!

Now, as happy as I thought that would make me, I think it messed me up a bit. For the first time in three days, I was tired. I wanted to go lie down. Which I did. Which gave me time and silence to think about our couples bible study in the evening. Which put me in a foul mood picturing all of the great food that would be laid out on the table for everyone to eat after the study, and I wouldn't be allowed a single nibble of any of it. I was surprised by how angry I was! I eventually got up to get ready, and I told Jenny I didn't want to go, just because of the food. I was not looking forward to watching everyone eat LaRosa's pizza, and spaghetti, and garlic bread, and chocolate chip cookies, while I had to tell myself "NO" a hundred times. I really was just not in a good place, and it was all about the stupid food! I asked Jenny, "Okay, if I can't indulge in food, now what do I do when I want to make myself feel better?" I asked it with a laugh, knowing the base and immature reasons behind it, and knowing the answer already.

Couples bible study was a bit torturous, but Jenny and I both made it through. I know this is a challenge for her, but she's much less vocal. I did appreciate the support other members of the group gave us, and me specifically. I'm not looking forward to our next meeting in regards to the food (probably Mexican or something I absolutely love, topped off with something chocolate and peanut butter for dessert, made just for me by someone who didn't know that I'm on a specific and restricted diet, and that I can't have it, and then I sit and watch everyone else eat my dessert, MY dessert!), but I love my friends, so we'll be there.

Here's to pushing through! 39 days to go...

Day 2

Kyle 290.0 day -4.6

Jenny 166.0 day -0.6

Hi. My name is Kyle. And I'm addicted to food. Well, not so much food, but the emotional response it creates. All day long I've had mental cravings for all sorts of things. You name it, I've thought about it. And my brain is telling me I want it. But within a split second of what seems to be a spontaneous thought, I'm able to react and take control by simply turning my attention away from the euphoric feelings swelling up in my head and to my stomach, which is sending me nothing but, "Everything's fine down here."

Jenny and I have had many discussions and comments throughout the day about these emotions, or thoughts, and how we're realizing more and more something I commented on yesterday; just how much we've overeaten for reasons that have nothing to do with survival or nutrition or hunger. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, happy, sad, excited, depressed, and every other situation you can think.

Another interesting issue has been my thoughts on "entertainment." When going over ideas for a fun evening, I quickly pinpointed that all the ideas that got me excited and looking forward to a night out centered on eating! Not a movie, or hanging with friends, but sitting down to dinner, or enjoying ice cream or snacks. My mind has been preoccupied with all sorts of foods, and my desire to enjoy them - the taste, the act of eating, the feeling full, the huge servings, the eating more than I need. I have become chemically dependent on these sensations! I'm flabbergasted (yeah, I used that word.)

In fact, the preoccupation is tainting these first few days to the point that, at times, my excitement over losing weight, and having that to look forward to, is overshadowed by my disappointment over not being able to eat what I want, and having nothing to look forward to.

Yet in light of that, in these first two days I've found myself more alert, more energetic, and just plain happier. For most of the day, my mood is one of contentment and happiness, highlighted with some excitement, and an over-all euphoric feeling that has me convinced at times that our HCG is something else! Physically, I am experiencing immediate benefits. The mental side is proving to be the true battleground so far.

Day 1

Just day 1?

Jenny and I have committed to the HCG protocol for the next 6 weeks. I'll spare the details here. Read this manual, then follow this link for more info.

I'm already learning quite a bit. After 2 days of loading (eating whatever we want), today is our first day on the very low calorie diet (VLCD). The mental aspect has been the toughest part, even though it hasn't been that hard, yet. I've realized that a lot of the food I eat is just to do it. Maybe I'm bored, happy, upset, whatever the reason. I eat to eat, because I enjoy it, and it makes me feel better. That's sad. And it's why my weight has gotten out of control, and is a negative impact on about every part of my life.

I WANT to eat, even though I don't FEEL hungry. I want to taste a slice of pizza, a glass of milk, a spoonful of peanut butter. I don't need it, but I want it. Sometimes I even THINK I'm hungry. How can my brain be hungry? How much food have I eaten that was not at all necessary, just because I thought I was supposed to, or wanted to, or just could? Why do I feel the need to be FULL, and not just SATISFIED? Wow.

I expect this to be challenging, but we're up for it. A lot of people have experienced substantial and healthy weight loss on this protocol. With Jenny and I working together, supporting each other and holding one another accountable, I know we will enjoy success.

I've posted our starting "stats" to the side, and I will track our progress over the next 40 days or so. 40 days. How ironic, or fitting. This just might turn out to be a challenge of biblical proportions, but I expect heavenly results.